I woke up on Monday morning ready to face the day. The first thing I thought was “I want to do a juice cleanse today.” I consulted with our expert and thy recommended the Juice Press NYC Cleanse, that includes six juices which provide “the energy for our busy schedules, while detoxing all the grime.” Perfect. This is just what I need after eating a giant burger the size of my head on Sunday night. To give you a glimpse of what it is like to be on a one-day juice cleanse, I’ve decided to reveal my timeline of thoughts, actions and situations that occurred while I was participating. Here we go…
11:30 AM: Co-workers discuss getting lunch. I’m reminded that I wanted to cleanse.
12:00 PM: I finally order my juice cleanse. I’m already excited.
1:57: Get a call from Juice Press, my goods are on the way.
2:15: Juice finally gets here. I’m overwhelmed. I start with Glo.
2:22: “I just felt a burst of energy through my body,” I say out loud.
2:22: Shadee reminds me that “juice is power.”
2:32: “You can now Skype with your dog! God I love this industry,” I scream. I think the juice has taken hold.
2:34: I pee for the first time.
2:44: I put a photo on Haute Talk’s Facebook page of my juices. Immediately get an “unlike.” Paranoia sits in. “It’s because of my juice…”
3:05: Finish first juice.
3:30: Tell co-worker who has been gone for an hour that I was “lonely” without her.
4:35: Mumble to myself that I’m pretty sure my hearing is impaired, or everyone in this office talks ridiculously low.
5:47: I put my 3rd juice to my face and start singing John Mayer’s “Gravity” because that’s the name of the juice.
5:50: “I want candy!” I shout.
5:54: “I remember when I used to eat…” I tell my co-workers.
6:00: Give a strange hug to another editor.
6:05: On train platform thinking “wow it smells worse than I have ever experienced before.” Start believing my sense of smell has been heightened because of the juice.
6:30: Riding the D train. It smells like Snickers. The smell is so strong, it’s almost like I’m eating one. Alas, I am not.
6:55: Consider throwing all the juices away, then see a super fit girl on the train and I remember the struggle.
7:00: Finish 3rd juice.
7:15: Take my dog for a walk, explain to him that I cannot run around since I do not have the energy. That’s a lie.
7:20: As I continue walking my dog, I realize how grateful I am for everything in my life. This juice has made me a new man.
7:45: Lay on my couch watching Kourtney and Khloe Take The Hamptons. Kourtney is eating corn, I hate her.
8:15: I start yawning and it tastes like corn.
8:30: While taking my sixth pee of the day, I ponder why no one ever talks about Beyonce’s butt. She’s got a great one.
9:00: Open 5th juice and explain to my dog that I’m very tempted to make popcorn, a grilled cheese and pasta.
9:15: Update my Facebook status so everyone knows I’m “drunk on juice.”
10:00: Finish my 5th juice. There’s one more left, but I don’t have the time to drink it. Sleep is imminent.
6:00 AM: This is the earliest I’ve been awake in years. I’m ready to start the day!
6:05: Make a mental note that I feel “lighter.”
7:00: Head out the door with my final juice in hand. Boy, is Youth for Life friggin delicious.
7:30: I judge everyone on the train who is drinking coffee. HA! I’m doing something GOOD for myself.
7:45: Craving coffee.
8:45: Co-worker tells me my skin looks better. He is considering cleansing. I feel like a million bucks.
9:20: I finish my final juice. A sense of calm and accomplishment overwhelm me.
So, there you have it. What REALLY happens when you’re doing a one-day juice cleanse. In all honesty, it was a great experience and would totally do it again. The juices from Juice Press are simply delicious, and today (the day after my cleanse) I feel great. I’m wide awake and I have a completely new outlook on food. I give this cleanse five Reese’s Pieces.
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Juice Press Cleanse: An Editor’s Timeline/Inner Monologue is
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