Episode 7: “Move Out Or Move On”
The ladies flip through hundreds of photos of themselves, like a giant mirrored funhouse. Then they get a call from Self Magazine (do people still read those things?) about leading a challenge to drop ten pounds. And, they’re doing the 2013 spring campaign for Oakley, which…do you have a time machine? Because I don’t have a time machine.
Katrina is afraid of what will happen to Karena once she marries that other guy who lives in their house. Then, Karena goes out on a date with Bobby. They are two sixes in a sea of eights, desperately trying to find the right seven. It’s moving fast, with Bobby talking about making lists with Karena. Aww.
The big sunglass day is finally here. It’s basically the two of them walking in yoga gear, but they keep holding hands which is so not the right campaign. They get the shot, so…that happened.
Karena wants to talk to Brian again about maybe possibly not making her move out of the apartment. But just in case, she looks at some apartments. They are sad little apartments with partial ocean views…oh what? Don’t you think $4,900/month for a one bedroom apartment is maybe a little much for someone without, like, a job? I didn’t smell family money on these two because they look so tacky, but perhaps this is the California version of trust funders. Then, they look at a three-bedroom apartment on the beach, and all of a sudden moving out doesn’t seem like the worst idea in the world. But it’s $10,000/month, so she might need a roommate. Oh, the horror!
Episode 8: “Toned To Perfection”
We’ve finally reached the end of this crapfest. Will Katrina and Brian get married? And will Karena ever move out? Did someone buy their DVD? And a DVD player? The anticipation is killing me.
It’s the day of the Self Magazine photoshoot, and the girls are pissed at each other over the whole moving out thing. They need to get over their sadness for the cameras because the makeup is already doing double-duty.
Once in front of the camera, the crazy lady from the magazine brings up the energy and gets everyone smiling. They toss apples at each other and change into rhinestone workout gear. There are romantic workout photos while the sun is setting, and “bazing, bazam, bazoom,” the photo shoot is over.
It’s girls night, plus Brian. There seems to be a tacky heel contest which is fun. Then Brian brings Bobby over to see Karena’s skin-tight space dress and a black hole joke and exploring the galaxies…sparkling wine time! “We’ll do a bottle of Champagne, and we’ll do a bottle of chardonnay.”
Next, it’s Katrina’s engagement party, a night where they can celebrate each other. Who wears a dress like that to their engagement party? It’s skin tight turquoise stretch velvet mini dress with a zipper up the arse. Seriously. Ugh. Then, Katrina takes Karena outside to tell her that she and Brian have found a place and are moving out because Karena will never, ever leave that apartment. After abandoning her friend, she asks Karena if she will be her maid of honor.
Two weeks later, Katrina and Brian are marking their possessions with neon tape. There’s a lot of rock-paper-scissors which is the ultimate decider. When Katrina finally leaves, they last 47-minutes before calling each other to hang out. And luckily, they’re only two blocks away from each other.
The end. Please. No really, can we please be done with these two? No sequels, no spinoffs, just done.
What did you think of the Toned Up finale?
Photo via Bravo
