Recap: Toned Up – “A Perfect Fit for Procrastination”

Katrina and Karena are two interchangeable humans who started an exercise empire by making videos on the beach. That has turned into a multi-bazillion dollar business, so says Karena. Or Katrina. The girls sell diet plans, DVDs, and Purrfect Fit Protein Powders. In other words, crap.

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This episode begins with a chant. No, not “ooohhhmmm.” It’s “Sigh! Burrr! Mun! Day! Sigh! Burrr! Mun! Day!” And it’s going to be huge. Of the quarter million spam emails the girls sent out, only six people unsubscribed, which directly translates to a million dollars in new business, right?

Their board meetings are at the beach so that they can take care of business and get tan at the same time. Which means their employees are all hot topless duuuudes. They have a dream launch party for their…DVD? Do people still buy DVDs? They want to get on the shelves somewhere, but…shelves? Like, in stores? Kat’s fiancé, Brian, is one of the topless duuuudes and he is a partner in the company. He uses the word “synergy” and “misfire” and it confounds the girls until he declares, “sex sells!”

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Kat starts talking about restraining themselves, which means not peeing in public except maybe the pool. At this point I have to assume that this is all an elaborate hoax. I am not exactly familiar with exercise, or the beach, or people who exercise on the beach, but I am pretty sure that this cannot possibly be for reals. But hey, I’ll play along. So, Kat. Tell me more about peeing in pools.

Oh good, an etiquette coach for the launch party. Always a handshake, never a hug. Karena is incapable of small talk and is an awkward handshaker, so let’s move on to dinner parties. No slurping, or burping. Or shots. Or clanking of forks. And don’t call the kitty cat over. Aww, a cat on the table.

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Katrina and Karena are testing recipes for cake pops made with their powdered possibly food product which will be prepared for the launch party. In rolls Will, the agent. He has his work cut out for him, because these two are useless lumps. Invites for the launch party have not gone out, but hey! Cake pops! Brian starts to take notes. Will wants to know what they are launching since their product is already out in the market. Have you invited buyers? No. Reached out to the press? No. Is there a press release? A what? Ugh.

Brian says that the launch party is a “make it or break it moment,” and he feels underprepared. It all comes down to “prioritization.” “Fail to plan, plan to fail.” What else you got, Bri? A shiny new business school degree from your local community college?

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It’s the day of the launch party and the girls spend the day getting prettified. It sort of worked. I mean, this is probably the best these two are ever going to look. There’s a step-and-repeat, which is how you know that someone else paid for the party. Everyone who enters gets a hug because they just can’t help themselves. Bill says he’s super happy because it’s super awesome, but this party looks super boring. Imagine a party filled with people really, really into their protein powder. Blech. And oh look, against their etiquette coach’s best advice, Katrina and Karina end up in the pool.

Next week, Brian wants to know when Katrina is moving out.

Stay tuned for more Toned Up recaps each week!

All photos via Bravo